Mercedes “MJ” Javid is getting candid about the limits of — and her love for — her body.
In an emotional Instagram post on Monday, the 46-year-old Shahs of Sunset star and new mom shared a black-and-white nude maternity photo and opened up about her difficult journey to motherhood.
“Since I can never carry a baby again, I’m extremely grateful to those who made sure I had this shoot, and keep this memory forever,” she began in the caption of the photo, which was taken when she was pregnant with her now-11-week-old son Shams Francis.
“My body is still healing from pregnancy, my heart is fragile and vulnerable,” Javid admitted. “I wish I had the compassion I have now, as a new mom, all of my life. But now I am learning to have a deeper appreciation about why growth in life is such an important gift.”
She ended her message with, “I want to be better, and stronger. Lately, most days are a challenge.”
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Shahs of Sunset‘s Mercedes “MJ” Javid Opens Up About “Blessing” of Pregnancy After IVF
Javid and husband Tommy Feight welcomed baby Shams on April 17 via cesarean section, after undergoing in vitro fertilization to conceive.
In a statement to PEOPLE the following day, the Bravo star’s rep confirmed that Javid was admitted into the intensive care unit during her labor, sharing, “The delivery was extremely difficult and Mercedes’ family was very worried for her, as there were multiple complications.”
Thankfully, “baby Shams was born happy and healthy,” Javid’s rep said, “and [MJ is] feeling much better than her first day in ICU.”
“Both her and Tommy are feeling extremely blessed that everything turned out okay and are thankful for Dr. Jay Goldberg, and Dr. Steve Rad, and all the doctors, nurses and staff at Cedars-Sinai who ensured the baby and her were taken care of,” the statement continued.
In a previous Instagram post on April 18, Feight opened up about the delivery, which he said “was the worst night of my life” and revealed that Javid had not yet held their son.
“My wife had a ton of complications. She was in surgery for like five hours. They didn’t tell me nothing. But they’re amazing at Cedars. They saved her life. She’s still in ICU, she still hasn’t held her baby yet,” he said.
Two months before giving birth, Javid explained that she had undergone cervical cerclage surgery after her doctors discovered that her cervix was measuring too small — something she said could be “high risk” for a miscarriage.
Although the procedure was “painless,” “under an hour” and only required her to stay in the hospital overnight, Javid revealed that she was on bed rest until her baby boy made his arrival.
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